Report From the Field

How my effort to spread kindness and give fewer you-know-whats is going amidst the American war for democracy and our collective fight for basic human decency

A month or so ago I pronounced this my year of spreading kindness and giving fewer fucks. Look! Here I am, basking in the glow of all that dimwitted naivety!

Had I understood the enormity of this challenge, I may not have set such a lofty goal. Then again, tell me something is going to be tough, or even better - terrifying and possibly even impossible - and I'm first in line to prove you wrong.

In said pronouncement, I inferred with my “stay tuned” ending that I would keep y'all posted as I go about this mission. Thus, as promised, here's a report from each of a variety of social institutions/bureaucracies I've had the pleasure of interacting with in the past few weeks.

AIR TRAVEL

Lance and I took a triple flight trip from Maine to Minnesota in February to get me to the Mayo Clinic where I received a variety of treatments both related and not related to my ongoing 5-year battle with Long COVID. As they say in Maine, yah can't get theah from heah, bub!

Air travel means all kinds of opportunities to spread kindness. Air travel with wheelchair assistance means even more such opportunities because it comes with the added bonus of really, truly putting one’s commitment to said goal to the test.

I mean, I’m not saying it happens every time but I’m not NOT saying it doesn’t happen ALMOST every time that I’m left at the end of the jet bridge, sans chair, sans ETA on said chair, sans permission to board flight, while freezing cold (and yes, cold exacerbates symptoms) wondering WTF is going on.

Exhibit A:

Thanks for nothin’, Delta!

But you know what? In these moments of discomfort (understatement of the year?), frustration, and general what-the-fuckness, it is helpful to remember that the person who eventually shows up with the requested wheelchair is most often not the person to blame for one’s pain. Easy? Not at all? Helpful? Absolutely.

Here, you see me breathing in warmth and kindness for myself, breathing out patience and kindness for whomever will eventually appear with the chair I so desperately wish had been there all along.

I could have made a different choice. Irate is easy and it would certainly have been the most obvious response. And you know what? Irate would have meant an even bigger flare up than I was already facing from my forced freezing cold floor time. Irate would have meant an emotional lash out at an underpaid employee who had likely already faced a series of irate passengers that day, likely due to poor scheduling and/or crappy communication by their employer. I’ve been the individual blamed for structural problems countless times (I’m lookin’ at you, employer o’ mine). Why ever would I do the same to someone else?

Better to save those precious spoons for those responsible for this mess. I’m lookin’ at you, Delta Airlines! And so, upon safe arrival, once in the warmth and comfort of an actual CHAIR, Lance and I crafted a respectfully but firmly worded letter to the good folks at Delta who replied with a respectful mea culpa and a couple a dozen freebie frequent flyer miles which is just what someone for whom travel is an absolute pain in the arse wants (NOT) but, well, it’s something?

Thank goodness I never claimed my effort to spread kindness and give fewer fucks was going to radically alter service in the airline industry. I believe in this instance that it did, however, save me from a potentially terrible, awful flare up AND help me avoid a blow up at an airline employee who truly would not have deserved said blow up. So, winning? Or, maybe, not totally losing?

MEDICAL INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX

This one is hard. Like, really, REALLY hard. I used to believe those of in the United States were the lucky beneficiaries of one of the best health care systems in the world. Silly Before Times Amy. My ongoing five-year journey with Long COVID quickly - and thoroughly - destroyed that fantasy.

Lucky for me, I’ve been eased into my effort to spread kindness in this domain by being in the incredibly fortunate position to receive care at the world-renowned Mayo Clinic over the month of February.

It is easy to be kind when the people providing your care know your name, look you in the eye, come to your appointment PREPARED for your appointment, understand the complex of conditions you are dealing with, have HEARD of your primary condition, actually answer your questions - without hostility - rather than dismiss them, invite you to ask MORE questions (what?!?!), and generally treat you like a…wait for it…HUMAN BEING!!!

So, so far so good on this front. But I’m now back in my home state of Maine, where awareness of Long COVID is much less prevalent, time allotted for patient visits is much shorter, and the pressure on providers to churn through patients as quickly as possible seems to be heavier than ever. Stay tuned.

RELATIONSHIPS

I’ll leave it to the people in my life to decide how I’m doing here but I will say that I’m giving it the old college try and I *think* I’m doing alright? Here are a few tools that are helping me keep my shit (mostly) together:

• Deep breaths

• Headspace

• Digital detoxes

• Hugs

• Leaning into fear and discomfort

• Owning my shit

WORKPLACE

OOF. You know that thing where you set a goal for yourself and - IMMEDIATELY - someone or something attempts to sabotage your efforts? Yeah, that. But you know what? I’m still here. I’m still kind. I’m still me. ‘nuff said. For now.

NOW WHAT?

I am under no delusion that any of this will change the world today or tomorrow but it has changed my world and - I hope - made a difference for a few others. And maybe, just maybe, if more of us adopt the effort we could maybe, just maybe, I don’t know, start something?

Anyone else out there on a kindness and/or no-fucks journey? Please - tell me about it!